While I would probably share this with the journal that is collecting dust in my drawers, my only thought is that I need to write on my Tumblr. My non-themed blog that I only contribute to when necessary. I guess this is necessary. 

I am just not happy. That’s really it. Nothing right now is making me happy. I don’t know if I am being dramatic about my unhappiness, but it is what it is. For the first time in my life, I am not even looking forward to my own birthday, I don’t care if everyone or no one comes, I’ve made plans with family and with friends but if I could do neither,  I would be perfectly content with that. 

I’ve lost faith in everything around me, I just can’t grasp it. I wish I could turn back to a different time in my life, that while I didn’t realize it then I was probably happier. Or not. I feel the heaviness of my lows and it doesn’t seem like there are any highs in sight. 

I have to make changes to my life in every aspect of it, but not motivated to. I am grateful for those in my life and do recognize there is good to be found and had, but I just don’t see it. Everything just feels crappy right now.  I can’t shake it. Maybe I don’t want to. Maybe this uneasiness is the road to some change, I hope so. Cause I honestly can’t take it anymore. I can’t take feeling like this anymore, but I feel so powerless to stop it. 

I try to make the best of each day, but it doesn’t get better. I guess its up to me. I have make my own changes comfortable or not. They have to be done. 

Oh well, until next time. 

-D